Author: Peter

Radio Daze

The Boneyard Radio Hour (né The Adventures of the Boneyard Man) is well into its fourth year, an amazing feat for any continuing live theatre production, but even more so in a city with a tiny audience for local theatre. (Or local arts of any sort, for that matter.)

The show, described by creator/writer/star Jayson McDonald as radio noir on stage, is an homage to and parody of the 1940s radio serial The Shadow. The five cast members (Jeff Culbert, Rachel Holden-Jones, Jayson McDonald, Virginia Pratten, and Jeff Werkmeister) perform a multiplicity of roles per episode, with locally-ubiquitous Dean Harrison providing live music.

I thus present Jayson McDonald’s announcement for The Boneyard Man Holiday Spectacular:

Seasoned Greetings!

Well, it’s that time once again…that special time of year when we look forward to gathering with friends and family to celebrate the very idea of life on Earth.

Mom’s got the turkey loaf cooking in the oven…dad’s drilling holes in the side of the house for some unknown reason…Billy’s converted his bicycle into a “skicycle” and is about to test it out on Dead Man’s Hill…and The Natural Broadcasting Company is putting the final touches on its second bi-annual Boneyard Radio Hour Holiday Spectacular!

Join us FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13 and SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14 at 8PM in The MCMANUS STUDIO at The Grand Theatre for a fun-filled evening of fun and frivolity and murder and what not. Here’s what you get:

TWO BRAND NEW ADVENTURES OF THE BONEYARD MAN!

Episode 72: “A Serpent In Santa Town”
A trip to old historic Santa Town is a bit of a let-down for Margery because Santa has been murdered. It’s a real fun afternoon for LePage however, because he gets to solve the crime! He’s like that.
Episode 73: “Jack Frost”
Everybody’s looking for an elusive secret agent skulking about the side streets of Manhattan because either A) he has a top secret government blueprint, or B) he’s planning on poisoning the water supply, or C) he’s got a briefcase full of stolen diamonds, or D) all of the above. Who will find him first? My money’s on The Boneyard Man!

PLUS! Extra special free bonus complimentary mini-featurette:

Tracy Clue, Girl Detective in “All I Nicked For Christmas”
Tracy and the gang must find a heartless petty thief who has stolen the gifts from under the Dispriveledged Gift Tree!

PLUS! Extra extra special free bonus complimentary mini-mini-featurette:

Q TROOP in “Christmas Back Home”
The boys in Q Troop reminisce about the holidays they knew before this great big crazy war happened.

PLUS! A message from the president of The Natural Broadcasting Company, Arthur C. Holdeburton; a bedtime story from our Uncle Willy; and live coverage of Santa Day!

You get all this cockle-warming brouhaha for an inconsequential ten dollars! Wowee, with prices like that, it MUST be Christmas! Bring the whole family! No reservations required, just pay at the door! How’s THAT for convenience (for us)?

We’re looking forward to comparing our ideas about the holidays with your ideas about the holidays. Perhaps they’ll gel! Perhaps not! In any event…no refunds!

Until Christmas is officially renamed “Givingsmas,” I remain ever your elf,
Jayson “Chestnuts Roasting On A Forest Fire” McDonald
artistic “director,” three black ring

Llanfair

I discovered while browsing my dictionary many years ago that the full name of the Welsh village of Llanfair—​Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, and yes, there are 4 ls in a row there—is 58 letters long and is reputed to be the longest place name in Great Britain. Googling past the domain squatters, I found an interesting article about the town, including a guide to Welsh pronunciation. If you want to hear it pronounced, an Australian group called Cotters Bequest uses it in the lyrics to an eponymous song, although I can’t follow it even with the pronunciation guide. And here’s a clip of the name as interpreted by the lovely Naomi Watts on Inside the Actors Studio.

Amazingly, this came up in random conversation with kc, my writer friend (who I’m hoping I’ll be able to link to in the near- to middle-future).

Me and you, right?

I used to work at a cool company. We had good people, we were stressed, we put in long hours (I slept there once), we did something unique and different that didn’t have a chance of ever succeeding… and we had fun through it all.

I still work at the same company (essentially). We still have good people (more than ever, and more I’d consider friends), we’re still stressed (for different reasons), we still put in long hours (but less often), and we still do something unique and different (which may succeed despite the best efforts of the rest of the world). But the job isn’t fun any more.

I don’t know when it happened. I have theories. All I know for certain is that I’m tired.

I’m optimistic; I trust the people I work with and the person I work for. I know we’re all on the same raft in the middle of the Atlantic. But the sky is dark, the wind’s picking up, and the waves are getting choppy, and I haven’t been swimming in a long time.

How long can you tread water? –Bill Cosby, Noah

Do it!

Like many other people I know, once a song gets stuck in my head it’s there for a good long time. My sister came up with a method to get rid of those songs, though: sing The Hustle (clip from the Seventies Dance Music Page) to yourself until the other music is gone. (The most important part of those instructions is to yourself!) Of course, then you’ve got The Hustle going through your head, but that’s a small price to pay.

Tonight, thanks to Mark Pilgrim, I get to see if it actually works. I really really really hope it does.

Driven

Having just travelled for an hour and a half through blowing snow on slippery and snow-covered highways, it would be too easy right now to complain about stupid drivers, be they Canadian, American or truck, so I won’t.

Joke

The anthropologist had arrived in a jungle village the day before, and had gotten no sleep the previous night because of the drumming. Hoping it was a unique cultural event, he asked one of the children about it, but the only explanation he could get was Is very bad when drums stop.

The next day, more tired from the noise of the previous night, he asked one of the adults when the drumming would stop so he could get some rest, but again was met with Is very bad when drums stop.

Another night passed, and again the researcher had gotten no sleep. Exhausted and frustrated, he went to the village council and implored them to make the ceaseless pounding stop. Is very bad when drums stop, they told him.

But why‽ he pleaded. They go on all day and all night, and I can’t take it any more!

Is very bad when drums stop, the council’s most learned elder explained. When drums stop, bass solo begins.

Apologies to Emm, Andrew and all the rest of you. Basses (and bassists) are cool. I love the bass. But I love the joke more.

Sweet compulsion

’Cause it’s so clear to me that you dearly deserve to be
The highest brightest peal in the church bells
Well you’re singing aren’t you
Yeah I think I saw you
And it’s the sweetest nicest thing I think I’ve ever seen

Lenni Jabour is a real sweetheart, and grand things are in the offing for her, events and developments I wish I could share here. All will become clear in the fullness of time, but until then I’m bound by the friendship of a kindred spirit to say nothing further.